Inside My Head

no one said it was easy to hear
but i am well on my way

(via the-strega)

earthlynation:

(via 35PHOTO - M Atif Saeed - !)

Oh, and also I bought myself 5 new ties. I might have a problem.

There are two things I really need to write down today. One I’ve been putting off for a while, the other just happened today.

First, on Monday I launched a project. For those of you that have known me for a while you might know I’ve had a bit of a dry spell the last 6 or 7 years in terms of launching projects. For various reasons, companies going bankrupt, poor management, difference of opinion, contract issues, etc. In fact almost the entirety of my web career has been a failure. Over the years that really started to get to me and mess with my confidence. I started to wonder if I was even any good at my job. If any of my ideas were practical and would actually work out in the wild and not just in development. That is until this week when I let loose on the world v3 of BYL. Not only have I been pleased with the result but my own boss said it was the fastest tube he could find. It literally appears almost as quickly as you hit enter or click a link. Without even promoting it the quality of our traffic has gone up. It is a success in so many ways. I can not explain what a weight off that is.

The second thing is that it’s D’s birthday in a week and I’ve been struggling with buying her gift. I knew what I wanted to get her was also way out of my line of expertise and I would need help. Asking for help is possibly the biggest problem I have in life. Being raised by parents who refused to help me or support me and belittled me for not learning on my own has caused some serious flaws in my pattern of thinking. Today I spent a good 15 minutes outside a store, browsing what it had online, before ultimately walking away under the weight of “asking for help”. Still the story has a happy ending, because after going to another place for a while and buying a smaller gift, I managed to realise that the joy of seeing D’s face when she opens her surprise was far more important to me than the fear of appearing stupid or ignorant. So I went back to the first place, walked right in, and when a shopgirl caught my eye I didn’t hesitate, I admitted my lack of knowledge and asked for guidance. Instead of feeling ashamed and defeated I feel proud and also really happy because I know I did something that will make the woman I love smile from ear to ear. Fear has nothing on that.

“What I remember most about emotional abuse is that it’s like being put in a box. How you end up in there is the biggest trick – I never managed to work that one out. Maybe you think it’s a treasure box at first: you’re in there because you’re special. Soon the box starts to shrink. Every time you touch the edges there is an “argument”. So you try to make yourself fit. You curl up, become smaller, quieter, remove the excessive, offensive parts of your personality – you begin to notice lots of these. You eliminate people and interests, change your behaviour. But still the box gets smaller. You think it’s your fault. The terrible, unforgivable too-muchness of you is to blame. You don’t realise that the box is shrinking, or who is making it smaller. You don’t yet understand that you will never, ever be tiny enough to fit, or silent enough to avoid a row”

—   

It’s time to make emotional abuse a crime - Lauren Laverne (via ninja-suffragette)

holy fucking shit this exactly what happened to me

(via mstrhvntr)

(via alexmuninn)

Patrick Carney - Hollywood Mornings

Grouplove - Untitled

i guess i’m just trying to make you understand
that i’m more horse than a man
or i’m more man than a horse?

“Just because one person’s problem is less traumatic than another’s doesn’t mean they’re required to hurt less.”

—   J.A. Redmerski, The Edge of Never (via heresay)

(via perfect-unison)

omg these are so cute, ask me these

michaeloranika:

  1. Do you love this shit?
  2. Are you high right now?
  3. Do you ever get nervous?
  4. I heard you fucking your girl is it true?
  5. You getting money?

(via herroannyong)