Oh, and also I bought myself 5 new ties. I might have a problem.
There are two things I really need to write down today. One I’ve been putting off for a while, the other just happened today.
First, on Monday I launched a project. For those of you that have known me for a while you might know I’ve had a bit of a dry spell the last 6 or 7 years in terms of launching projects. For various reasons, companies going bankrupt, poor management, difference of opinion, contract issues, etc. In fact almost the entirety of my web career has been a failure. Over the years that really started to get to me and mess with my confidence. I started to wonder if I was even any good at my job. If any of my ideas were practical and would actually work out in the wild and not just in development. That is until this week when I let loose on the world v3 of BYL. Not only have I been pleased with the result but my own boss said it was the fastest tube he could find. It literally appears almost as quickly as you hit enter or click a link. Without even promoting it the quality of our traffic has gone up. It is a success in so many ways. I can not explain what a weight off that is.
The second thing is that it’s D’s birthday in a week and I’ve been struggling with buying her gift. I knew what I wanted to get her was also way out of my line of expertise and I would need help. Asking for help is possibly the biggest problem I have in life. Being raised by parents who refused to help me or support me and belittled me for not learning on my own has caused some serious flaws in my pattern of thinking. Today I spent a good 15 minutes outside a store, browsing what it had online, before ultimately walking away under the weight of “asking for help”. Still the story has a happy ending, because after going to another place for a while and buying a smaller gift, I managed to realise that the joy of seeing D’s face when she opens her surprise was far more important to me than the fear of appearing stupid or ignorant. So I went back to the first place, walked right in, and when a shopgirl caught my eye I didn’t hesitate, I admitted my lack of knowledge and asked for guidance. Instead of feeling ashamed and defeated I feel proud and also really happy because I know I did something that will make the woman I love smile from ear to ear. Fear has nothing on that.